Michael Rosen's new book is full of life lessons and wisdom, but he insists he’s no guru

Michael Rosen sniffs his armpit, winces slightly and confirms that, no, there is “no danger” of his marketing a candle with a scent based on that of his intimate body parts. “I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow,” he explains, “and I’m not some kind of guru.” Instead, says the writer and broadcaster, “I’m somebody who has had some experiences, tried to chew over them and written about them in case people find that at all helpful.”

He’s downplaying not just the wisdom with which his latest book, Getting Better, is laced, but also how hard-won it has been. It covers his two life-threatening illnesses and slow, incomplete recovery from a 40-day Covid coma; family tragedies in his own generation and that of his parents; and, most harrowingly of all, the sudden death of his 18-year-old son. “People ask me how I’m still standing,” he admits, “so I’ve unfolded it all and said, ‘Well, when that happened, I did this.’ Then they can go in that direction themselves, if they want, or do something different.”

With its non-prescriptive tone, its refreshing lack of that Paltrow-style “woo-woo”, its deep but not navel-gazing thoughtfulness and its very British humour (a key chapter is called “Raisins to be Cheerful” for both profound and comic reasons), Getting Better is, I suggest, like a self-help book for people who wouldn’t be seen dead with a self-help book. “In some respects that’s right,” agrees Rosen. “Self-help books tend to give you a whole set of instructions, whereas I’m just telling stories about things that have happened to me. And I’ve always liked the idea that books leave readers with a nice space in which they can argue with what they’re reading. “I always argue with books I read, so I hope people will do that with mine.”

Some parts might be useful to some readers, others to others, he adds. “So you can take it like those ‘choose-your-own-adventure’ stories kids read: ‘If you want the hero to head into the forest, turn to page 80’. Except here you can choose your own ‘not-coping adventure’ – just turn to page 100 and read the chapter that’s appropriate to you, if you like.”

‘Is it a self-help book? I’m just telling stories about things that have happened to me’

I worry that, as with every other wise book I’ve ever come across, I’ll read it, resolve to live as it suggests, then forget everything and carry on as normal as soon as I close the tome – but Rosen reassures me. “Don’t laugh, but [when I’m down] I play Bob Dylan’s Just like Tom Thumb’s Blues over and over and over again. On YouTube, it says it’s got 850,000 views, and probably most of those are me. It doesn’t help me come up with any answers, but just listening to Dylan going through a rough time in that song relieves me of something.”

There is a lot of comfort, Rosen adds, simply in knowing that others have been through similarly tough times: “We’ve got that word we borrowed from German – Schadenfreude – for taking pleasure in other people’s sorrows. But maybe we need another one – Hoffnungfreude, perhaps, because Hoffnung is German for “hope” – for when we take hope from other people’s troubles instead.”

Even if no one else found the book useful, it would have helped its author at least. It’s the first time he’s written in depth about the death of his son Eddie in 1999 – and, he says, “that’s one of the little measures I give to myself, which shows I’m actually managing to cope. That place where Eddie sits in my brain isn’t… bleeding. It isn’t… harming me. He’s there, every day, but it doesn’t [as it once did] hurt so much that when somebody says something, I sort of explode.” Rosen, who returns to the airwaves this week in a new series of Radio 4’s long-running show about language, Word of Mouth, reckons it’s not just him that’s changed, but the country’s culture, too. We are all, he says, more comfortable thinking and talking about feelings than we were.

Asked why, Rosen mentions the pandemic, Ukraine, 9/11, greater access to education – and even Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby, with her much-talked-about “Are you OK?” address to the audience of This Morning. “There’s an interesting comparison there. Can you imagine Robin Day doing that? Or Freddie Grisewood? Or Robert Robinson?”

For people who haven’t yet read Getting Better, I press Rosen for a bit of advice from it that’s so universally applicable they – and we – could all benefit. He offers his “one thing” principle: “If you’re in a difficult situation, and it keeps repeating itself in your head and you feel stuck and desperate, then as you go to sleep at night think of one thing you did that day that you feel good about. Maybe you swept the backyard. Or perhaps you simply made some toast for yourself that you really liked. You don’t have to have been Mother Teresa, it could be anything at all. And it sounds nuts but focusing on that one good thing can push away some of those spectres and apparitions and raging mush – and send you to sleep with a smile on your face.”

ED GRENBY

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